Life brings different colors with it and we have to experience each and every color even if it is a little bit of misery that we have to undergo. Even if it's pain, you've to enjoy it and the pain will slowly steadily evolve into blissfulness. A little bit of pain in life is a sense of something is amiss within our lives and when we sense that something is amiss, we undergo an inquiry within ourselves of what "we are not doing". Often than not, it is something that "we are not doing" that lands us up on the wrong side of the ladder.
"what we are not doing" means what we are not completing.
There might be one of our desires or pending tasks which will be "incomplete" and completing them will help us overcome our miseries.
There are certain questions and concerns that we are not taking care of which leads to our miseries in our lives.
I definitely have been angry over the treatment given to me during my childhood by "friends" in my locality. We never had proper food or clothing during that period and life was full of fear. The life that we lead was one of those days' unending misery from which all of us have evolved. All of us meaning; my family. We have evolved due to the things we did during that period completed our misery and lead us to lead normal lives.
Our incompletions are signs of our pain.
I had this question: why did people treat me the way they treated me during childhood? was it because I wasn't rich? or was it because I bored them with all very emotional talk? Was it due to insignificance within me? any incompletion? What was it that made people avoid me during those days or ill-treat me & abuse me just because I was behaving weak?
Yes, true. I behaved weakly. Weakness is a behavior and so is strength. I never realized that before.
Yes. True. Weakness is nothing but "incompletion". I realized that before. My weak behavior lead people to abuse me, taunt me, ill-treat me and none-the-less pity me. Nobody came to help me. When times changed, with god's blessings; a person did come and with it came a new wave of learning and experince. The person brought a master who had learned techniques from different places alike copied everything creative from here; there; everywhere. His presentations were bold, rigourous, intense, pacifying, jubiliation and ofcourse he meant it a "celebration".
I would not say I have been with the wrong people though until now I believed I trusted the wrong people. It wasn't true at all. (Writing this in fear) And after all, people are not right or wrong. I always knew that before. True.
I chose to be with the kind of people I always wanted. It was just that they did not have it in them to realize what I really wanted for them. They did not behave the way I wanted them to behave so why to curse them? I always had this in my mind that they are "very good" people like grading them. and my folks spoke that they aren't good people; they are bad people: "my friends". And I took it forward in my mind that they are bad people and I landed into a puddle where I could sympathize with myself of what happened exactly during those days. I couldn't empathize myself that whatever happened happened for the best and I waste hell lot of time cursing other people when all I was doing is wasting my time and cursing my own self.
They were poor. I had never known this. They were weak. I had never known this. They always pretended to be strong in front of me but they were weak. They always wanted to express regrets within their lives but they never did in front of me. They pretended they knew more than me and all I was doing is accepting what they were doing "as it is". I never chose how do I want life to be.
I am a leader; to be honest a born leader with true leadership skills. I could lead them to the path I wanted myself but I never wanted to rule them as they were. I wanted them to take choices which meant to free them from misery. I wanted them to rule over themselves which never happened. As always, situations ruled over them.
Hatred ruled over me and not love over the past few weeks. It was intense and unenjoyable. I did not enjoy one bit of cursing someone for a mistake I did and never realized it. My weak behavior led me to my own miseries. Yes, there were situations but I never gripped any of those situations.
Our lives are separate because our pathways are separate; and our pathways are separate because we aspire two different "ideas" or rather "spirits". I would not call their spirit untrue or irrelevant though they do not form the base of my life. I wanted "Light" that brightens my life and they wanted material spirits which they can enjoy completely. There is nothing wrong with their thinking; it just leads to a stop or an incompletion. It's like a puddle you want to play with. After a few years, the puddle will evaporate and there wil be nothing left. So why gain sympathy of self-pity by blaming others when I can realize what went wrong and realize what I could / can do about what happened earlier.
I was in pain because I couldnt realize what went wrong.
I am Rich; not poor.
I am Strong; not weak.
I am the BEST; nothing less.
I couldn't forgive any of them because some one told me that there are things that cannot be forgiven. I would there is nothing in the world that cannot forgiven or rather completed. It doesn't matter whether that person betrayed you or made your worse than ever. We have to enlighten ourselves as our desitinies are in our hands.
When I wanted support from one of my closes't friends, she told me that they haven't asked for forgiveness so how can you forgive them. Well, that is as well not true.
Forgiveness in itself is completeness, a completion that would free you from negative karmas; lead you to accept your own self and other as they are "symbols o nature"; lead you to moksh; acquire power in your hands and make you feel really blissful. I never hated anyone except people who betrayed me or ill-treated me. I never liked people who betrayed me or ill-treated me. I kept away from such people but now I think the other way round. People who are direct on your face are the people you must be with and keep a distance as well. Not to take their view points or dis-approvals personally.
You have to have REAL people around you to see the far sights beyond our reach. People who can definitely see things that are beyond our vision. People who have realized what it means to be where you want to be.
When they hit me physically, they hit me my EGO; my alter ego; my self-esteem; my self-respect. when they fooled they hit me even harder.
I had two choices i.e. to seek revenge or to seek bliss. I chose the latter.
I learned a lesson; a scar that deepened my wounds and humiliated me in front of everybody. I was broken, shattered into pieces blown here and there. My mind withered here and there and my life was under shambles. I was under terrible strain, pain. I withered here and there "trying" to seek answers within my own self. I was anxious to receive answers to what had happened. I wanted to learn from my mistakes. I wanted to ignore the drama that unfolded thereafter. I wanted to realize what "I did not do" that made me a misery within my own self. I never wanted to feel weak in front of other people.
I wanted support because I felt weak. Someone had just told me that it is okay to take support. But now I disagree; we do not need support; not at all.
We always think we are good people but that is not true. There is nothing good or bad about us. We are the way we are. Completely neutral. Neutral means non-judgmental.
They wanted to make me feel I am miserable. That wasn't true. I always felt I am miserable and that wasn't true. I chose to feel the way I feel. If they thought I was miserable, they were miserable as well. I was just undergoing my realization.
I never let go off my past and here I am stuck in this vicious cycle that never ends the pain. I chose to keep the hurts and sentiments rather than evolve from them; let go off those emotions; regrets.
I always kept babbling like a mad person. I spoke all my realizations and here I am notoriously finding my way up.
I know I will definitely find my way up.
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