Fire Burning In My Dreams Which I Now Choose To Blow Up All Forms Of Hatred

I went through enraging hatred the other night and felt very underworked for what happened to me in my life

I was not the best at my mind, body, spirit which made me feel underwhelmed by the response I gave to people, especially my own spiritual soul, within my life

I was shocked at being ignorant about life deeply and completely.. as I was following people blind-folded, listening to them without giving myself a hear and talking to them without talking out to my heart, mind, body - soul & spirit ....... giving my self all out in love

It felt as if I didn't knew anything about life that I thought I already knew.. I was feeling insensible about rigid past which made me feel terribly low all the while now from childhood. I was raging wild in anger like a forest that burns in wildfire.. it was burning wildly in body, mind heart .... I was feeling terribly furious about various things that happened to me in my early life which led me to become hypnotic to anger, hatred, revenge, frustration which further made me vulnerable and miserable.. I felt as if I had taken a whole lot of mind to heart which provoked sensation of burning wildfire within my body, heart and mind destroying every piece of silence within me.. the energy that felt blame, revenge and hatred all at the same time.. it was horrible but then I realized I was not to be blamed or held responsible for all what other people experience because I did something to them.. or rather I was being arrogantly blamed for something I wasn't at all responsible and I felt terrible at the sight of hatred that cheated me from my own self-love tearing me apart in pieces but then I realized that blame was hatred that shattered even the best of heavens on earth .. felt disgusted at the sound of it as if like my hands burn with hatred for other people.. everyone around me blamed other people for their response to me whereas I realized I was responsible for what happened to my life.. I was shattered to indignantly realize that I created hell by my own mental pattern or pysche counsciously/ unconsciously by not forgiving the people in my past, present and within the unconscious presence of my mind.......... I gave a whole lot of everything to them for not accepting me the way I was at that point of time that made me feel miserable about everything I ever had in my life as if I had no worth to be what I was.. I felt dissipitated violent furious angry as if there was no end to life.. people took advantage of my innocence, emotions and anger as if they had no other thing to do whatsoever in their lives other than just provoke revenge within me about everything what happened to me in my life and I felt disgusted at the thought of it.. I felt as if there was no sense of trust within the people who provoked me to anger, fear, hatred and it all made well to me because I could see how miserable they were.. that they were wholely and solely responsible for whatever happened to them in their life but they were foolish to react in such a way as it would be a boomerang that will be back with a bang! All I knew was forgiveness was a strength - at a crucial point in my life that could provoke a deep sense of religious hatred towards people for not being their BEST as I expected them to be and it all felt blown-away unbounded by their frivallous nature of not being true to their own self. I just couldn't accept the truth until I consciouly realized that they were weak, dishonest and lonely souls who wandered from place to place for solace, strength, joy, satisfaction with zero self-awareness about their lives thus feeling out-of-control of their own mind, body, heart, soul - not to forget their spirit that felt let down by all that was happening within and around them - feeling bowed down to situations within their angry frivalous homes created by themselves in conjunction with their very closed ones that shattered them apart and made them dishonest, disintegrated and disembled within themselves all at once.. like a weakling who feels vulnerable because of the environment he/she lives within

All I was mistakenly asking for was 'unrequired sympathy' all the while till the end for helping my self out of this remorseful memories of the past stored within my unconscious civilian mind, from my beloved group of loved ones, which let me down in the hour of crisis as if I was solely responsible for the events that existed in my beleagured past entrenched and enchanted by my own words and deeds, as if everything had shattered into pieces of disharmony and disengagement thus making me feel miserable about my past experiences which I now turn to - to make the 'most of it' for the BEST by thinking about my conscious experiences of reality in face-to-face. All I showed was remorse, failure, lack of strength, powerlessness, poverty, vulnerability, feuds, self-pity and arrogance which led me to a point where I never wished I wanted to experience. I felt useless about who I was though I knew I was always useful and I feel I was taken away (lost) by my emotions who had more often a say than any thought / deed in my past life. It indeed felt miserable as I always believed myself to be and the thought which was at the depth of the river just started floating above on the upper layer of the river now and I just realized how helpless and powerless I felt, believed I was when I really wasn't, that was the illusion within the depths of soul going on like a looping vicious cycle which now will turn into a tide and soften the waves of the sea like never before.. the water is rough and salty though it can soften the wounds of my heart by flowing all the downgraded spirits in action from my body, mind, heart and soul.. the spirit of faith was ever lasting within me.. and will last for ever, just that I was blind-folded by my own actions, emotions and expressions to nature so that I could experience the worse in the BEST possible manner as another lesson in my ever-growing ever-glowing life

Should we reply to abuse or ignore it?

If someone tells us anything abusive or hits us physically?

Should we keep shut? Should we reply to it?

If someone puts us off, we should not get put off. True.

What about abuse?

Does it matter what you think about me?

I am wondering whether impressions about us within other people's minds matter or do not matter..?

Does it matter how other people perceive us?

This made me think whether I should even consider someone's perception about me.

My heart says no. I must not consider what others think about me. I must consider what god thinks about me and perceives me as?

What matters is how I perceive myself, rather than how other people perceive me as?

Basically, I find it a little cumbersome to accept fearful people.

I think people who are strong can perceive fearful people effortless.

Strong people are those who have self-belief and strong faith within themselves. They have learned to accept themselves as they are.

Learning is a constant process and one learns to accept one's own self as time goes by. I thought it happens within a fraction of a second. It may be true but I still have no clue about it.

I should not get carried away by someone's belief about me or anyone else for that matter. It does not matter at all.

Do not believe what other people believe about you. Don't hold on to negative beliefs or thoughts, ideas or emotions. Don't believe in other people's spirit, thoughts, emotions or dreams.

Believe in your own self.

Time will tell so will the truth. So true.

Women: Chapter # 1

# 1 Most women are fearful and find ways to get excused because they are fearful.
# 2 Most women believe that they are weak and so they can blame other people.
# 3 Most women cannot perceive people properly.
# 4 Most women feel weak though they are not weak. They take this belief within themselves and tell people "they are being victimized".
# 5 Most women mis-interpret and mis-calculate often.
# 6 Most women are often ignorant than conscious. They know quite little about life.
# 7 Most women do not believe in themselves.
# 8 Most women cannot talk openly.
# 9 Most women often find themselves lost.
# 10 Most women feel lonely.
# 11 Most women often find themselves confused and unclear.
# 12 Most women are often over-emotional, over-sensitive and sentimental.
# 13 Most women don't dare to talk to strangers.
# 14 Most women believe they are powerless.
# 15 Never go and ask a women "what is your name, Ms.?". They would interpret it as if you are hitting on them and not otherwise.
# 16 If you wish to be safe, healthy and sound, stay away from women who have the habit of "blaming" other people.
# 17 Women are not far-sighted.
# 18 Women take things very personally.

Women aren't bad. They just believe they aren't complete.

These are the lessons I learned about women today.

More chapters will follow soon. Thanks. Keep reading.

Some quotes

Man is not god or evil, it's his/her intentions declare godliness or evilry.

Man is not good or bad, right or wrong; their responses are.

Everyone is responsible for their own self.

Truth is Power.

Whatever happens happens for BEST.

Life is always a learning experience.

Love is the absence of Hatred.

Love is life.

My belief in LOVE

My belief in love just went away for a while but then I found out that I was enraged about being manhandled and that became my biggest despair throughout the last 5 months. I was in complete disbelief - a state of shock. I went through a turmoil. It was terrifically restrained. My life had stopped moving ahead. I was blaming everyone in and around me.

I was shocked to even believe that there was something called as true Love and unconsciously started believing that true love never existed. That wasn't true at all.

I was in deep regrets that I couldn't fight back but then and now, I've realized that's it great that I am free from the clutches of people who couldn't fightback with their own circumstances.

They just accepted "losing" as if it was meant to be that way in their lives. They never thought of fighting back circumstances to make it their way. They never unturned the secret. The secret of their lives.

They never believed in themselves. They thought, "Love was stupid and it never existed."

Honestly, my deepest regrets had literally killed me into despair. I wandered within my mind from one thought to another. Regrets are something that kill minds. so, don't regret. Just let it go.

Honestly, my belief in LOVE broke off for a while and I got depressed because of it. But now I'm awake and raring to go, I'm still feeling confused/ridiculous over and about LOVE? though not so much.. I just require to think properly about it.

I think LOVE is Conviction = Self-Belief. True.
Love is Faith. Faith = Self-Belief.

Love exists within us. We are foolish that we go outside of us to find LOVE. Love is truth.

There might be some regrets and guilt somewhere that is why I stopped and my life stopped. I must eliminate guilt, regret and worry from my life somehow.

My belief in other people led me to falsehood, regrets, guilt, dis-belief and pain. My belief led to divide my attention to other people whereas my attention should had been within my own self.

I am living my life like half inside and half outside. No regrets. This is soon to change.

My ego was hit and I couldn't just accept it the way it happened.

I thought if someone hits me and I just accept it would mean that I am like not strong but that is not the truth. I am strong and that is why I have learned a lesson that I have to:

• Not follow other people.
• Not believe in what other people say.
• Not copy other people's thoughts and feelings.
• Not get influenced by anyone.
• Not trust other people.
  

The answer to ego is nothing but filling the lack of self-belief.

The "lack of self-belief" is ego.

I believe in myself.

Miseries of life

Life brings different colors with it and we have to experience each and every color even if it is a little bit of misery that we have to undergo. Even if it's pain, you've to enjoy it and the pain will slowly steadily evolve into blissfulness. A little bit of pain in life is a sense of something is amiss within our lives and when we sense that something is amiss, we undergo an inquiry within ourselves of what "we are not doing". Often than not, it is something that "we are not doing" that lands us up on the wrong side of the ladder.

"what we are not doing" means what we are not completing.

There might be one of our desires or pending tasks which will be "incomplete" and completing them will help us overcome our miseries.

There are certain questions and concerns that we are not taking care of which leads to our miseries in our lives.

I definitely have been angry over the treatment given to me during my childhood by "friends" in my locality. We never had proper food or clothing during that period and life was full of fear. The life that we lead was one of those days' unending misery from which all of us have evolved. All of us meaning; my family. We have evolved due to the things we did during that period completed our misery and lead us to lead normal lives.

Our incompletions are signs of our pain.

I had this question: why did people treat me the way they treated me during childhood? was it because I wasn't rich? or was it because I bored them with all very emotional talk? Was it due to insignificance within me? any incompletion? What was it that made people avoid me during those days or ill-treat me & abuse me just because I was behaving weak?

Yes, true. I behaved weakly. Weakness is a behavior and so is strength. I never realized that before.

Yes. True. Weakness is nothing but "incompletion". I realized that before. My weak behavior lead people to abuse me, taunt me, ill-treat me and none-the-less pity me. Nobody came to help me. When times changed, with god's blessings; a person did come and with it came a new wave of learning and experince. The person brought a master who had learned techniques from different places alike copied everything creative from here; there; everywhere. His presentations were bold, rigourous, intense, pacifying, jubiliation and ofcourse he meant it a "celebration".

I would not say I have been with the wrong people though until now I believed I trusted the wrong people. It wasn't true at all. (Writing this in fear) And after all, people are not right or wrong. I always knew that before. True.

I chose to be with the kind of people I always wanted. It was just that they did not have it in them to realize what I really wanted for them. They did not behave the way I wanted them to behave so why to curse them? I always had this in my mind that they are "very good" people like grading them. and my folks spoke that they aren't good people; they are bad people: "my friends". And I took it forward in my mind that they are bad people and I landed into a puddle where I could sympathize with myself of what happened exactly during those days. I couldn't empathize myself that whatever happened happened for the best and I waste hell lot of time cursing other people when all I was doing is wasting my time and cursing my own self.

They were poor. I had never known this. They were weak. I had never known this. They always pretended to be strong in front of me but they were weak. They always wanted to express regrets within their lives but they never did in front of me. They pretended they knew more than me and all I was doing is accepting what they were doing "as it is". I never chose how do I want life to be.

I am a leader; to be honest a born leader with true leadership skills. I could lead them to the path I wanted myself but I never wanted to rule them as they were. I wanted them to take choices which meant to free them from misery. I wanted them to rule over themselves which never happened. As always, situations ruled over them.

Hatred ruled over me and not love over the past few weeks. It was intense and unenjoyable. I did not enjoy one bit of cursing someone for a mistake I did and never realized it. My weak behavior led me to my own miseries. Yes, there were situations but I never gripped any of those situations.

Our lives are separate because our pathways are separate; and our pathways are separate because we aspire two different "ideas" or rather "spirits". I would not call their spirit untrue or irrelevant though they do not form the base of my life. I wanted "Light" that brightens my life and they wanted material spirits which they can enjoy completely. There is nothing wrong with their thinking; it just leads to a stop or an incompletion. It's like a puddle you want to play with. After a few years, the puddle will evaporate and there wil be nothing left. So why gain sympathy of self-pity by blaming others when I can realize what went wrong and realize what I could / can do about what happened earlier.

I was in pain because I couldnt realize what went wrong.

I am Rich; not poor.
I am Strong; not weak.
I am the BEST; nothing less.

I couldn't forgive any of them because some one told me that there are things that cannot be forgiven. I would there is nothing in the world that cannot forgiven or rather completed. It doesn't matter whether that person betrayed you or made your worse than ever. We have to enlighten ourselves as our desitinies are in our hands.

When I wanted support from one of my closes't friends, she told me that they haven't asked for forgiveness so how can you forgive them. Well, that is as well not true.

Forgiveness in itself is completeness, a completion that would free you from negative karmas; lead you to accept your own self and other as they are "symbols o nature"; lead you to moksh; acquire power in your hands and make you feel really blissful. I never hated anyone except people who betrayed me or ill-treated me. I never liked people who betrayed me or ill-treated me. I kept away from such people but now I think the other way round. People who are direct on your face are the people you must be with and keep a distance as well. Not to take their view points or dis-approvals personally.

You have to have REAL people around you to see the far sights beyond our reach. People who can definitely see things that are beyond our vision. People who have realized what it means to be where you want to be.

When they hit me physically, they hit me my EGO; my alter ego; my self-esteem; my self-respect. when they fooled they hit me even harder.

I had two choices i.e. to seek revenge or to seek bliss. I chose the latter.

I learned a lesson; a scar that deepened my wounds and humiliated me in front of everybody. I was broken, shattered into pieces blown here and there. My mind withered here and there and my life was under shambles. I was under terrible strain, pain. I withered here and there "trying" to seek answers within my own self. I was anxious to receive answers to what had happened. I wanted to learn from my mistakes. I wanted to ignore the drama that unfolded thereafter. I wanted to realize what "I did not do" that made me a misery within my own self. I never wanted to feel weak in front of other people.

I wanted support because I felt weak. Someone had just told me that it is okay to take support. But now I disagree; we do not need support; not at all.

We always think we are good people but that is not true. There is nothing good or bad about us. We are the way we are. Completely neutral. Neutral means non-judgmental.

They wanted to make me feel I am miserable. That wasn't true. I always felt I am miserable and that wasn't true. I chose to feel the way I feel. If they thought I was miserable, they were miserable as well. I was just undergoing my realization.

I never let go off my past and here I am stuck in this vicious cycle that never ends the pain. I chose to keep the hurts and sentiments rather than evolve from them; let go off those emotions; regrets.

I always kept babbling like a mad person. I spoke all my realizations and here I am notoriously finding my way up.

I know I will definitely find my way up.